Friday, September 27, 2013

Past, present and future.........

I can be the first to admit that I never thought I would start up a blog.  But this past year has really opened my eyes to the possibilities that are out there if you take a leap of faith.  So here is a giant leap of faith (with a little encouragement from a true friend) for me.  I am opening my heart up in hopes to inspire others, to show others that we are all beautiful, we are worth it and that nobody is alone in whatever struggles are being presented in your life right now.  I am hoping to create a beautiful exchange within others by sharing my past struggles, the beautiful journey I am on now and taking a trip down my future and where I plan to be.  This is going to be a AMAZING journey and I cannot wait to get started.

I was never the skinniest person in my class.  Considering most of my kindergarten classmates graduated high school with me we all knew each other pretty well.  Most kids I went to school with were either extremely athletic, or very academically smart, or even both.  I could put myself in the category of being a little athletic and somewhat smart.  I never was above and beyond in those categories and I was ok with that.  But after high school I began to isolate myself.  I turned to food when I felt like I did not fit in anymore.  It comforted me I was alone, it made me feel good during two rough pregnancies.  It got me through my years of severe depression and became my anchor when I left my now ex-husband.  Although I felt like everything around me was crumbling and leaving food was always there to fill the voids that kept occurring.  I never had to work on myself if I just hid behind the cheeseburger or chips that were put in front of me.  But when you get diagnosed with sleep apnea all because you packed on a few (20+) extra pounds your perspective of life starts to change.  I thought if I just joined a gym I would get healthy.  At least I was making the effort and that is all the counted right?  I did that for months and yes I lost a little bit of weight, gained some strength but I figured well I am exercising I don’t have to change my eating habits entirely.  I got stuck.  I needed something else.  I saw a picture of a former classmate from high school.  She looked amazing.  I ended up sending her a friend request on Facebook.  She took a leap of faith and called me.  She shared her story with me and well it took me a while but I finally took my leap of faith and decided to take control of my life, and my health and start my journey towards optimal health.

Bring me to the present day.  My journey is ongoing, however I have learned that food does not have to comfort me.  I have two beautiful children who need a mom that can run and chase them – I can do that now!  A mom who can read a book to them at bedtime and not fall asleep – I can do this too!  A mom who can drive them to school and the Zoo and not be worried she is going to fall asleep at the wheel because her sleep apnea is out of control – Guess what I don’t have sleep apnea anymore, can I get a WOOT WOOT!!!!  I have learned that I do not need to eat 3 giant meals a day, but that I can eat smaller meals that still fill me up and keep me energized for all the adventures my children bring to me.  I now realize that I have been given the tools to succeed and to grow not only in my personal health but my faith as well.  I am creating a beautiful exchange from depression and death inside to healthy satisfying life.  I do not rely on food for my stressful times, but I rely on my family and friends and most importantly Jesus Christ to get me through, they are my anchor now and forever.
I now look at my future and how I would love to predict where I am going to be in 3 months, 6 months, year or two years but I cannot predict that.  What I can say is in 3 months I am going to better than I am today.  In 6 months I will be better than where I was 3 months prior.  And in year I am going to be in a place that I cannot even describe in words.  Two years, well that is party that I cannot wait to get started.  I want you to join me in that party, whether it be a full on dance party, a healthy happy hour at your house, or a trip to the beach.  Whatever party you want to have to celebrate your optimal health I want to join you.  But to do that you first have to join me.  Will you take a leap of faith, a giant step towards health and join me in a beautiful exchange.

This is why I finally decided to choose life instead of death.  The two most precious children one could be blessed with.  I am proud to call myself their mom, and am finally happy that I will get to be around when they graduate high school, go to college and get married.  Here is to life, one healthy step at a time!!!

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